Well, I think the upcoming couple of weeks has to be the most pivotal weeks of 2010 for myself and my friends... I am awestruck at how much is changing in people's lives over the course of the next few days. Here is a list of some. If you wouldn't mind, I'm sure they would appreciate the prayer, I know I would.
June 1st
-My parents fly out of Chicago to spend some time in Thailand with their friends who are serving as missionaries
-My friend Olivia Vitale comes back to the States after 9 months in Burkina Faso working at a school
-My friend Amanda Salmond is heading to Oakland California to work with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship over the summer
-My friend Becky Beerbower's husband returns home from Russia where he was working with an orphanage
June 3rd
-My two friends Casey Jordan and Matt Lybarger are heading to Israel for a couple of weeks to check out where the bible took place
June 4th
-My last day of work at Maritz
-My bible content exam at Covenant Seminary
June 5th
-My good friend Dustin Bailey will be marrying Andrea Brinkman... I get to be a groomsman
June 7th
-I start Greek classes
June 8th
-I get to start working grounds at my church for the summer
[Saturday, May 29, 2010]
[Thursday, May 27, 2010]
A reflection
Labels: random 0 comments
Five work days left before I transition from my job at Maritz to full-time seminary studies. This has been such a long time coming (a year or so), and there were so many steps that had to fall into place *just right* to get me here. Thinking back to last May, I don't really recall being that optimistic about the whole process... I mean, come on I had to sell an entire house in a recession... and that was just step 1! But, I knew it was a road I had to start down, and just take a step at a time.
Fast forward to November 2009, and I'm under contract. Now what? I've got no place to live. Luckily for me, I have family in town who were nice enough to let me dwell in their basement until I figured things out.
I also picked up a second job near the end of the summer of 2009 at my church, doing facility support (i.e. janitorial stuff). It is a great job, but I'd be lying if I ignored the fact that part of the reason for getting the job was to prepare for when I'd be quitting my full-time job.
Parallel to this, I had to actually get accepted to the degree program at my school, figure out my loan/scholarship eligibility, and make sure I get all my t's crossed and my i's dotted. Since I was a part-time student initially (pursuing an MA in Theological Studies), I got the impression I could fall through the cracks pretty easily if I wasn't careful. However, since Covenant is a rather small school, the staff is pretty much on a first-name basis with me.
Somewhere during this time, I also approached my boss about the fact that I'd be leaving. This was about the end of November 2009, and so when I went into her office to tell her I was quitting on June 4th 2010, she was a bit confused -- instead of a 2-week notice, it was more like a 6-month notice. Then, I went on to explain the situation: my project is pretty intensive and would require a nice "phase-out" period with my replacement, and I really don't want to let anything fall apart after I leave.
I finally got my acceptance letter into the Master of Divinity program which would be dominating the next ~3 years of my life, and that's when I started looking at finances. Since I was going to quit my job, which accounts for ~95% of my income, obviously something had to give. I'd already cut my expenses by quite a bit, and was saving like it was my job, but I was still going to need more income to cover rent/insurance/groceries/etc... So I approached my boss at church about getting more hours. He said he'd think about it (this was still in the Winter mind you). Furthermore, I started looking at the fact that school actually costs money! Thus, I start anxiously awaiting the time of the year when FASFA's come due.
We've now shrinked from 6 months to 3 months before the Summer term starts (because of my program, the school recommends you take 6 credits over the Summer to prepare you for the Fall). I still have no apartment, no guarantee that I'll have the income to pay for it, no idea what kind of financial aid I'll be receiving, and no replacement to train on my project at work.
Around this time, the rumor that I was leaving got back to me. I had only told a select few people at work about this because being MONTHS away, I didn't want to send anyone into a panic. But, word did leak out so I went public (so to speak). I had the conversation with my project teams and I just felt a sense of relief. "OK, this is real... this is going to happen."
Finally, I got the name of my replacement -- he works in New Jersey. "OK, this should be interesting. I've never trained anyone over the phone before."
Around Easter, I get my financial aid letter -- a 25% tuition scholarship, and the ability to take up to the max possible in subsidized loans (the good ones). I was happy... not sure if I could have gotten any more as a first-year. This made it possible for me to use hard numbers to figure out how big of a hole I was digging. Surprisingly, I was pleased with the outcome. Because of my mad saving between selling my house and now, I actually felt pretty comfortable with the numbers.
Training my replacement went pretty well. He's got a good head on his shoulders and a ton of experience in the field. I felt pretty comfortable about the work situation, so I started to transfer my energy to other question marks.
I was still living in my sister's basement, and it was never intended to be a long-term solution (90% of my stuff stayed in boxes), so I started trying to figure out a new living situation. A few things had fallen through (which is why I moved in with Erin and Steve in the first place), and obviously my budget is pretty tight, so this was going to be interesting. That's when I got a phone call from my friend Ty whose living situation just changed as well. He was interested in living together. So we started looking at apartments. Before long, we found a place we could move into at the beginning of May.
Also, around this time I met with my church boss again about extra work. He sounded promising about giving me 2 full days of work a week during the Summer (in addition to my normal hours). Yeah, its only for the Summer, but that will get me through the Summer. We can worry about the Fall and the future later.
Somewhere in here, I received a letter that I was in my grace period on my student loans. A little history -- as long as you are in school, your loan payments are in deferment (they are deferred until you aren't in school anymore). On top of that, they give you a one-time 6-month grace period after graduation before you have to start making payments. I took the Spring 2010 semester off because of time commitments and everything mentioned above, and also because there wasn't a class I could take, so I went into repayment because from the perspective of the school/student loan people, I was no longer a student.
As soon as I was made aware of this, I got on the phones and tried to figure out what I was going to do. If I used all my 6 months now, that meant I couldn't use it after I graduated... not a deal breaker, but it would have been nice in case I can't find a job or something. Turns out I will be re-entering school one week BEFORE my 6 month grace period runs out. This means that as long as my enrollment status is changed to student before that 6 months is up, I get the WHOLE 6 month grace period back!!! I had to ask the guy on the phone twice to make sure I understood him right. This means that I have to be in contact with the Registrar to send a special letter to the loan people updating them on my status before June 15th.
I start school June 7th, 2010. Reflecting on this journey just excites me all the more. See, something I didn't really mention is that through all of this, I was lost and confused, unsure and suspicious. Yet, God remained constant. I remember praying back before step 1 was completed: "God, if you want me to do this, you're going to have to do something... because no one is buying my house." Look at where we are now. I see God all over this story, directing my steps and using some wonderful people in my life to help me along the way. Not my timing, but his. Not my will, but his. Not my glory, but his. How humbling!
Fast forward to November 2009, and I'm under contract. Now what? I've got no place to live. Luckily for me, I have family in town who were nice enough to let me dwell in their basement until I figured things out.
I also picked up a second job near the end of the summer of 2009 at my church, doing facility support (i.e. janitorial stuff). It is a great job, but I'd be lying if I ignored the fact that part of the reason for getting the job was to prepare for when I'd be quitting my full-time job.
Parallel to this, I had to actually get accepted to the degree program at my school, figure out my loan/scholarship eligibility, and make sure I get all my t's crossed and my i's dotted. Since I was a part-time student initially (pursuing an MA in Theological Studies), I got the impression I could fall through the cracks pretty easily if I wasn't careful. However, since Covenant is a rather small school, the staff is pretty much on a first-name basis with me.
Somewhere during this time, I also approached my boss about the fact that I'd be leaving. This was about the end of November 2009, and so when I went into her office to tell her I was quitting on June 4th 2010, she was a bit confused -- instead of a 2-week notice, it was more like a 6-month notice. Then, I went on to explain the situation: my project is pretty intensive and would require a nice "phase-out" period with my replacement, and I really don't want to let anything fall apart after I leave.
I finally got my acceptance letter into the Master of Divinity program which would be dominating the next ~3 years of my life, and that's when I started looking at finances. Since I was going to quit my job, which accounts for ~95% of my income, obviously something had to give. I'd already cut my expenses by quite a bit, and was saving like it was my job, but I was still going to need more income to cover rent/insurance/groceries/etc... So I approached my boss at church about getting more hours. He said he'd think about it (this was still in the Winter mind you). Furthermore, I started looking at the fact that school actually costs money! Thus, I start anxiously awaiting the time of the year when FASFA's come due.
We've now shrinked from 6 months to 3 months before the Summer term starts (because of my program, the school recommends you take 6 credits over the Summer to prepare you for the Fall). I still have no apartment, no guarantee that I'll have the income to pay for it, no idea what kind of financial aid I'll be receiving, and no replacement to train on my project at work.
Around this time, the rumor that I was leaving got back to me. I had only told a select few people at work about this because being MONTHS away, I didn't want to send anyone into a panic. But, word did leak out so I went public (so to speak). I had the conversation with my project teams and I just felt a sense of relief. "OK, this is real... this is going to happen."
Finally, I got the name of my replacement -- he works in New Jersey. "OK, this should be interesting. I've never trained anyone over the phone before."
Around Easter, I get my financial aid letter -- a 25% tuition scholarship, and the ability to take up to the max possible in subsidized loans (the good ones). I was happy... not sure if I could have gotten any more as a first-year. This made it possible for me to use hard numbers to figure out how big of a hole I was digging. Surprisingly, I was pleased with the outcome. Because of my mad saving between selling my house and now, I actually felt pretty comfortable with the numbers.
Training my replacement went pretty well. He's got a good head on his shoulders and a ton of experience in the field. I felt pretty comfortable about the work situation, so I started to transfer my energy to other question marks.
I was still living in my sister's basement, and it was never intended to be a long-term solution (90% of my stuff stayed in boxes), so I started trying to figure out a new living situation. A few things had fallen through (which is why I moved in with Erin and Steve in the first place), and obviously my budget is pretty tight, so this was going to be interesting. That's when I got a phone call from my friend Ty whose living situation just changed as well. He was interested in living together. So we started looking at apartments. Before long, we found a place we could move into at the beginning of May.
Also, around this time I met with my church boss again about extra work. He sounded promising about giving me 2 full days of work a week during the Summer (in addition to my normal hours). Yeah, its only for the Summer, but that will get me through the Summer. We can worry about the Fall and the future later.
Somewhere in here, I received a letter that I was in my grace period on my student loans. A little history -- as long as you are in school, your loan payments are in deferment (they are deferred until you aren't in school anymore). On top of that, they give you a one-time 6-month grace period after graduation before you have to start making payments. I took the Spring 2010 semester off because of time commitments and everything mentioned above, and also because there wasn't a class I could take, so I went into repayment because from the perspective of the school/student loan people, I was no longer a student.
As soon as I was made aware of this, I got on the phones and tried to figure out what I was going to do. If I used all my 6 months now, that meant I couldn't use it after I graduated... not a deal breaker, but it would have been nice in case I can't find a job or something. Turns out I will be re-entering school one week BEFORE my 6 month grace period runs out. This means that as long as my enrollment status is changed to student before that 6 months is up, I get the WHOLE 6 month grace period back!!! I had to ask the guy on the phone twice to make sure I understood him right. This means that I have to be in contact with the Registrar to send a special letter to the loan people updating them on my status before June 15th.
I start school June 7th, 2010. Reflecting on this journey just excites me all the more. See, something I didn't really mention is that through all of this, I was lost and confused, unsure and suspicious. Yet, God remained constant. I remember praying back before step 1 was completed: "God, if you want me to do this, you're going to have to do something... because no one is buying my house." Look at where we are now. I see God all over this story, directing my steps and using some wonderful people in my life to help me along the way. Not my timing, but his. Not my will, but his. Not my glory, but his. How humbling!
[Thursday, April 29, 2010]
The Next Step
Labels: Christianity, God, gospel 0 comments
A good friend of mine is finishing up some time in Burkina Faso, Africa. She posted this today... I'm quoting the whole entry.
September 12, 2008 — “God, I am continuing to pray about this year and the upcoming year. Lord, I want to be your vessel I want to help further your kingdom. I desire for people to know about you. People that don’t already know about you. God, I pray that you would reveal to me what it is you have in store for my life, specifically post-grad plans…God, I have this desire to teach abroad. I have a heart for Africa, the poor and children…God, I want to do bold, courageous, beautiful, amazing, wonderful things for your kingdom.”
I wrote this prayer before God had even placed Burkina Faso on my heart. Fast forward to today and I find myself praying the same prayer, except now, instead of post-grad plans, I am asking the Lord, “What is your will for my life post-Burkina?” As my time begins to come to an end here, I have a constant battle going on in my head. I could find so many reasons to stay in Burkina and yet, I could find so many reasons to go home. Today is another day where I find myself saying, “God, I trust you. Really, I do and I’m at peace not knowing what it is you have in store for me next…whatever it is Lord, I will go where you send me.”
This morning I woke up with every intention of working a lot on finishing writing first grade curriculum and preparing school materials for next school year and while there is still time to get work done, I can’t help but have a heavy, saddened heart. This morning I had the opportunity to help a local pastor and a few others (including some of the teachers from school) make mud bricks for the pastor’s new church in Yako. It was a great time and pictures will definitely be posted the next time I am in Ouaga. After working for a while under the strong African sun, I returned back to my house to give my clothes to Maimounata, so she could wash them.
After Maimounata was finished, I walked her to my courtyard door and said goodbye. Seconds later, I heard a sweet, little voice down the street shout, “O-lee-vee-a, O-lee-vee-a.” I turned my head to see my 9-year old neighbor Nadia smiling and waving at me. I motioned to her to come over. In my not-so-fluent French, we made a little small talk.
I explained, “Nadia, I want to play games and color, just like we did a few weeks ago, but I have a lot of work I have to get done today, but I will invite you over another day, especially because I only have one month left here. Did you know I am leaving to go back to the United States at the end of May?”
After hearing this, Nadia became very quiet and her big, beautiful brown eyes welled up with tears.
I asked, “Are you crying because you are sick?” Nadia shook her head.
“Did someone say something that hurt your feelings?” Again, she shook her head.
“Are you crying because I am leaving soon?” to which she replied yes by nodding her head.
Trying not to well up with tears myself, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a big hug.
“Oh Nadia, my pretty girl, you are so special. I think you are so special and God does too. I love you. Don’t cry, I will be here for another month. We have lots of time to spend together,” I explained.
She continued to cry. I invited her into my courtyard and brought a cup of Kool-Aid outside for both of us and we sat on the porch. Nadia started to come around and talk to me a little. This sweet, little 9 year old has quite a story, which I had heard from Lynn, but after finishing our Kool-Aid, Nadia personally shared her story with me. While holding Nadia in my arms and rocking her back and forth on my front porch, she noticed a calendar on the table next to us. She picked it up and I began to say the name of each month.
When I got to June, she said, “That is the month my mother died. She died on a Tuesday.”
Nadia continued, “My mother was in a fire, her clothing caught on fire, and she caught on fire. We were at my grandmother’s house, which is not too far from here. Boris (my friend and also an employee of Lynn) was there. My Mom died at the hospital.”
“Were you at your house when this happened?” I asked.
She responded, “Yes.”
“Oh Nadia, I am so sorry. That is not easy. How old were you when this happened?” I asked.
“I was 4 years old,” she said.
Tears began streaming down her face and mine as well, as I listened. Crying is a symbol of weakness in this culture, and holding Nadia, watching her cry, I felt as if these were tears that had been held inside for 5 years. After her mother died, her father, who lives in the same town, opted to send her to live in another courtyard near me to be cared for by a friend of the family. In Burkina, a child is considered to be an orphan if one or both parents are not present in their life. So, this sweet, little girl at the tender age of 4 lost not only a Mom, but also a Dad and she became an orphan. The family whom she was sent to live with has provided the basics for her- shelter, food, and clothing, but her emotional needs have been neglected and from the sounds I hear at night in my courtyard, beatings have become a frequent occurrence in her life. My heart breaks for children who are mistreated and seeing Nadia grow up without anyone to really care for her is no different. If only I could take children in these types of situations home with me and care for them. After Nadia shared her story with me, we had a good conversation about Jesus, who he is, how much he loves us, and how if we ask him to live in our heart, we can spend eternity with him. While I can love Nadia during my time here, I know that Nadia needs and longs for a greater love, a love that can only be found in Christ.
Based on the day’s events, it is so hard to think about leaving, but I say again, “Lord, I trust you and am at peace with not knowing what the next step is. Your faithful and I know that in your perfect timing, you will show me where it is you desire for me to be.” So, with one month remaining of my time here in Burkina, I am clinging to Him- to His promises, to the hope found in Him, to His love, to His faithfulness, and to His strength.
[Tuesday, April 6, 2010]
Steampunk computer desk
Labels: random 1 comments
Another look at the Steampunk house, which has had more projects finished. I'm really inspired by the total conversion.
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Here's a link to the whole gallery.
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Here's a link to the whole gallery.
[Tuesday, March 9, 2010]
[Saturday, March 6, 2010]
Ladybug
Labels: God 1 comments
Last night I was working up at the church, and had some down time. Since there was only one class in the building things were really quiet. I took some time to just walk around the church and think and pray, which is a pretty uncommon thing for me... taking time to slow down. I made it over to the west lobby and notice at my feet a little ladybug crawling on the floor. I walked right past it... then doubled back. My first thought was: "Yep, it's getting to be that time of year when ladybugs are everywhere..."
But then, I thought harder.
I noticed where this little guy was going... farther into the church. Farther away from anywhere a ladybug would naturally survive. And it really struck me how *sure* this little bug felt about what it was doing. It never paused to re-think its direction... it never slowed down. It just kept going. I got behind it and put my cheek to the floor to see what it saw. The vast expanse that is the Windsor Crossing lobby. Because of the color of the tile, it reminded me of a desert. It crawled in one direction for a while, then headed for the wall. Climbed up a bit, then back down and back the direction it came. I wondered if this thing really knew what it was doing or if it even cared.
Then it hit me. I'm that ladybug.
I'm predominantly analytical and logical with how I approach things, so work and effort to achieve goals are my bread and butter. If I have a problem, I can find a solution. However, when applied to my walk with Jesus, this has become a hindrance. I rely on my own solutions, my own machinations of what needs to change to achieve the goal... and I don't look up to see that I'm just wandering aimlessly in a desert. Without a clue what I'm doing, and without a care to know that I'm totally missing it.
Reflecting on myself in this manner caused me to get a bit emotional.
I have been so proud of who I've become that I've forgotten to see if God is proud of who I've become. I've forgotten that ultimately, it's not my praise that matters, but his.
This is of infinite importance because though I might be proud of myself... its only in parts of my life. The other parts, well... how could anyone be proud of those parts? So, they get stuffed down and forgotten... but their effects are always felt. This is why relying on our own praise is so destructive. We know ourselves so well... and we hate a lot of what we see. But God... God *somehow* can look past our failures and messiness and love us just the same. In fact, not only does he love the messy us, but he promises to clean us up... to make us like his own son. What an interesting exchange.
This is the truth I've been missing and am still struggling to accept on a daily basis: I am the beloved. Just think about that for a minute.
I'll admit, watching that ladybug I felt a bit like God. I could see where it came from, where it was going, and I *knew* that if it continued down the same path... it would die.
So, I saved it.
It didn't want to be saved -- mind you; it was perfectly happy doing what it was doing. I put my ID badge down there to let it crawl up of it's own volition and it hesitated. It actually stopped when presented with this option. Then, it went around. I tried again... with the same result. Finally, I scooted the badge underneath it until it was -- in some respects -- forced to come with me. As I carried it through the lobby and outside, I held my hand around it in a very protective nature... wondering if it would fly off and hide. But it didn't.
I think that God is, in some ways, forcing himself upon me. He sees where I've come from, where I am and where I'm going... and he knows that if I continue in the same direction... I will die. So God is going to great lengths to save me... continually day after day. Not just an initial "yes" to Jesus, but a more-better life now, in him. Lovingly disciplining me, correcting my incorrectness, chipping away at my stone facade to warm me with his love.
Its hard, it hurts and a lot of times its no fun... but it is good.
But then, I thought harder.
I noticed where this little guy was going... farther into the church. Farther away from anywhere a ladybug would naturally survive. And it really struck me how *sure* this little bug felt about what it was doing. It never paused to re-think its direction... it never slowed down. It just kept going. I got behind it and put my cheek to the floor to see what it saw. The vast expanse that is the Windsor Crossing lobby. Because of the color of the tile, it reminded me of a desert. It crawled in one direction for a while, then headed for the wall. Climbed up a bit, then back down and back the direction it came. I wondered if this thing really knew what it was doing or if it even cared.
Then it hit me. I'm that ladybug.
I'm predominantly analytical and logical with how I approach things, so work and effort to achieve goals are my bread and butter. If I have a problem, I can find a solution. However, when applied to my walk with Jesus, this has become a hindrance. I rely on my own solutions, my own machinations of what needs to change to achieve the goal... and I don't look up to see that I'm just wandering aimlessly in a desert. Without a clue what I'm doing, and without a care to know that I'm totally missing it.
Reflecting on myself in this manner caused me to get a bit emotional.
I have been so proud of who I've become that I've forgotten to see if God is proud of who I've become. I've forgotten that ultimately, it's not my praise that matters, but his.
This is of infinite importance because though I might be proud of myself... its only in parts of my life. The other parts, well... how could anyone be proud of those parts? So, they get stuffed down and forgotten... but their effects are always felt. This is why relying on our own praise is so destructive. We know ourselves so well... and we hate a lot of what we see. But God... God *somehow* can look past our failures and messiness and love us just the same. In fact, not only does he love the messy us, but he promises to clean us up... to make us like his own son. What an interesting exchange.
This is the truth I've been missing and am still struggling to accept on a daily basis: I am the beloved. Just think about that for a minute.
I'll admit, watching that ladybug I felt a bit like God. I could see where it came from, where it was going, and I *knew* that if it continued down the same path... it would die.
So, I saved it.
It didn't want to be saved -- mind you; it was perfectly happy doing what it was doing. I put my ID badge down there to let it crawl up of it's own volition and it hesitated. It actually stopped when presented with this option. Then, it went around. I tried again... with the same result. Finally, I scooted the badge underneath it until it was -- in some respects -- forced to come with me. As I carried it through the lobby and outside, I held my hand around it in a very protective nature... wondering if it would fly off and hide. But it didn't.
I think that God is, in some ways, forcing himself upon me. He sees where I've come from, where I am and where I'm going... and he knows that if I continue in the same direction... I will die. So God is going to great lengths to save me... continually day after day. Not just an initial "yes" to Jesus, but a more-better life now, in him. Lovingly disciplining me, correcting my incorrectness, chipping away at my stone facade to warm me with his love.
Its hard, it hurts and a lot of times its no fun... but it is good.
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